The following is an excerpt from one of my scripts (it's a comedy). In this scene, Maggie has cut off her boyfriend's penis as he is handcuffed to their bed (okay, it's a dark comedy). This was done in an act of jealous rage. The rest of the script involves the search for the missing penis by the small town of Blatch. The script is called TOURNIQUET.
Maggie holds up his severed penis.
MAGGIE
What, you want this?
RAY
YES! YES! PUT IT BACK! PUT IT BACK!
MAGGIE
Flush it?
RAY
NO! NO! NO!
MAGGIE
Okay, if you say so, baby.
Maggie enters the bathroom. Ray can see her from the bed and continues to howl in ungodly pain. She stands above the toilet, holding the bloody member in her hand.
RAY
(whimpering)
Please. Put it back. I need it. Maggie...
She drops it in the toilet.
MAGGIE
Plop. Just like a dead goldfish, Ray.
She flushes, and walks away from the toilet, standing at the doorway to the bedroom. Ray lies helpless, blood staining the sheets around his crotch, eyes filled with tears.
RAY
Baby......Why.....?
Maggie is hit with empathy.
MAGGIE
Oh, baby. What’d I do?
Oh, baby. What’d I do?
Behind her the toilet starts overflowing. She turns to look.
MAGGIE
Oh, shit.
(to Ray)
It’s overflowing!
(to Ray)
It’s overflowing!
RAY
(weakly)
Good, good. Maybe it’s stuck! Go get it!
(weakly)
Good, good. Maybe it’s stuck! Go get it!
She runs to the toilet.
RAY
....Plunger.
She grabs a plunger and starts plunging. Pinkish water overflows all over the floor.
MAGGIE
This is gross!
She looks back into the other room.
RAY
Oh, my God it hurts.
Oh, my God it hurts.
MAGGIE
I’m trying, baby.
I’m trying, baby.
She turns back to the toilet and tosses the plunger aside.
RAY
I wish I was dead.
I wish I was dead.
MAGGIE
I’ll jiggle the handle!
I’ll jiggle the handle!
FLUSH. The water disappears down the drain.
MAGGIE
Oh.
She steps back from the toilet, then turns and steps into the bedroom. Ray looks at her with hope. She shakes her head.MAGGIE
It’s gone, baby.
It’s gone, baby.
I'll post more tomorrow. Thoughts?
5 comments:
I like your writing stile a lot, but honestly, I don't think this particular story will sell.
Off course if not that weird Canadians want’s it... ;)
It may or may not. It's certainly not one of my "mainstream" screenplays (luckily, not all of my stuff has to do with getting prviate parts sliced off) but it was a blast to write!
Well that's good=)
Yea, I'm sure it was!!
(Have you ever considered that if you changed the p-part to another part you have a script for a wider market?) I’m sure it’s going to be more sellable.
No frickin' way. I loved it as is. If the rest is as good as that, you could have a cult classic on your hands.
Sure, it's not mainstream comedy, but there's definitely a market for that sort of thing.
Any chance of posting some more?
Thanks guys. I'll post the close of this sequence tonight.
There's a lot of build-up to this scene with other characters we meet, but Ray & Maggie's story is at the heart of it.
And after these scenes, Maggie's father (fearing for his daughter's future) posts a reward for the penis and the town sets ou to find it.
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