Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The End Must Be Near

While I was in my office this morning, doing some paperwork (i.e. taking a dump, pinching a loaf, dropping a deuce, whatever the kids are calling it nowadays) I came up with some evidence that the end of the world may be approaching. Or, at least a list of crap that gives me agita. Evidence:

1. Holiday Shoppers Have Been and Always Will Be Douchebags: This is mainly in America, and to be more specific, Wal-Mart, but my God how we are asswipes. Just watching the video footage of all of us dumb cattle lined up in front of the stores at 4am, waiting for the doors to open and then BAM! GO! GO! GO! Beating the tar out of each other for a Tickle Me Elmo, a Wii, or a Baby-Vomits-A-Lot, whatever the hot toys are.

2. Speaking of Video Games: What is with these new systems? Why in the hell do I have to stand up to play a god damn video game? Can't I just sit on my ass anymore? Isn't the point of videogames so we can chill out while playing videogame tennis? Why would I want to actually stand there and pretend I'm hitting the ball with my wand or whetever they call it. If I wanted that experience, I'd GO PLAY TENNIS.

3. Tara Reid

4. Straight-To-DVD sequels: I've posted about this before so I won't rant much here, but the funny thing is they make sequels to ANYTHING now. There's actually a Behind Enemy Lines 2 now available on DVD. Awful.

5. Our Prez. Weren't we after Osama? Not anymore? Oh, he's hiding? Still? I thought we had some type of trained soldiers/high tech missles that could take care of that problem. Oh, hell let him go, let's dump another 10 Billion into Iraq/losing more troops.

6. Alan Cumming's personality: I don't know the guy, but to me he just seems like a real bonafide asshole.

7. Michael Richards: Yeah, he's done.

8. Screenwriters (non-professionals) Continue To Get the Shaft: Dear Assholes who want to rip off us already poor screenwriter wannabes - We hate you and hope you drown in a bucket of your own diarrhea. We're already struggling and have enough to stress out about. I'm talking about demonfuckers like the Screenplay Agency, and they're not the only ones, who are out there ready to feast on our wallets.

9. Neve Campbell says UK writers are better than American writers: She said, "The writers are more talented here (UK). People don't just pick up a pen and say, 'I'm going to write a screenplay', which happens all the time in LA. They have some background in literature before they decide to come up with a story." Oh yeah?! You wanna fight, beeyotch?! I bet some UK "writer" would have never thought up "Failure to Launch!" Or "Son Of The Mask." Or "Meatballs 4!" Or "Behind Enemy Lines 2!" In your face, Neve, as in Neva ever!

10: Britney: We feel your pain, Mr. K-Fed was a tool, but we kinda told you that from the start. But we're glad you got smart. Or, whatever. But please, if you wish to continue to have us on your side, please, please, please, when wearing a very short skirt, it may be wise to wear undergarments, and stay away from Paris "Cokefiend" Hilton.

Just a fun list of shit that bothered me lately, so maybe the world isn't ending yet. Feel free to add to the list.

Sunday, November 26, 2006


Got a new script that I'm blasting my way through. It's the fastest I've written something in years. Yeah, I'm talking about another new script, but it's actually a combination/hybrid of 2 old scripts and forged with a new plot.

It's called Temp'd (like Punk'd). The 2 scripts this was born from are:

1. Temp'd. This was a short script I meant to shoot a few years ago but never got around to it, basically a day in the life of a group of office temps. I was going to make it into a feature script keeping this premise but feared comparisons to Office Space & The Office (USA/UK) so I abandoned that idea.
2. Wait A Minute - This was a script from about 4 years ago, a crime comedy about 4 loser buddies who start working for the mob and get in all sort of trouble/wackiness. I even started to shoot it on DV in 2003 but we never completed the project, but we did make an extended trailer out of it.

I bascially took 3 of the characters from Wait A Minute and stuck them in the temps/office setting and came up with a new plot - 3 Friends get jobs as temps in a high-rise office so they can break into a high-class escort service, located on the floor above their office, on its busiest, most lucrative day of the year.

I'm having a good time with it. The 1st night, I wrote 18 pages, the next night I took it through page 30, and tonight I pushed it past 40, so I'm just rolling along with it, and since I'm 1000% into this over anything else right now, I must continue to roll with it.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


Borat - My Review:


Yeah, I'm sure portions were set-up (but counting the number of lawsuits, maybe not that many). Even still, I knew going in it was not a REAL documentary, so although some of it was staged, it was all still funny to me.

Still, the best part of it for me, or maybe the saddest, was the reactions of our fellow Americans which showed their true colors.

Overall, a really funny movie, as well as a sad commentary of our US and A.

By the way, I like Jack Black and all, but his Tenacious D flick looks really dumb and not funny AT ALL. I plan to never see it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Cranberry Sauced!

Well, it's turkey day. Not a huge turkey fan, but I like the tradition. My two favorite things about T-Day are the stuffing and cranberry sauce. I'm pretty much the only one at the table who eats the cranberry sauce, and that's fine by me. But I don't eat the lumpy shit. It's gotta be the jellied kind, and it must be shaped like the can.

Be safe.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Robert Altman RIP

Well, we lost a good director yesterday. Robert Altman was never one of my faves, actually I think many of him films were way overrated, but the guy obviously had a ton of talent, was a huge influence on many of today's up & coming directors, and he'll be missed.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

The Stand-In

This is my latest script and the one my manager is fully behind. I'm through the 1st act and swimming nicely into Act Dos. It's very mainstream, high concept stuff. I'll post some excerpts soon.

It's about a former high school loser who hires a male supermodel to attend his high school reunion posing as the former loser. That's only the jumping off point, the reunion stuff ends by the end of Act 1.

Not groundbreaking stuff, but it's a fun concept. I wrote the beginning 10 pages about 6 years ago actually and just let it sit there. Then a few months back I was pitching some completed scripts & works in progress to my new manager. As he shot them down one by one (he's Mr. Mainstream-High-Concept, which is cool, but I've got more of an independent film mindset/fuck-the-3-act-structure way of thinking typically) I then pitched him this and he loved it. Easy to pitch, and if you're a Studio Exec you can "see" the movie, that was his point, and it's true. I am rather sick of working my useless 9-5, so I'll gladly get this puppy on its feet.

As for other stuff, we're waiting on feedback from sending out Food Fight (feature script). It's been in some pretty important hands over the last month, from agencies to prod. companies, so we'll see how that goes down.

Cricket Hill is awaiting word from our director. He's been extremely busy of late (just finished re-shoots for his next film (The Chaos Theory, starring Ryan Reynolds) and is in the middle of directing an episode of The Nine).

That's all I got for now! Gotta get back to Act 2!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


Ever since I started bloggin about 1 year ago, I noticed something about a handful of my fellow bloggers.

Well, some of you....have QUIT. What the fuck, man? How long do you think this takes?

It's strange, I mean, coming into this, you had to know it might not be EASY to sell a screenplay. It's usually a long damn road. And a road that sucks ass most of the time. Filled with MANY disappointments and dickheaded producers.

But don't give up! Christ!

I've seen it - they'll write one script, maybe 2, and try to get some action on it. And some do, but when it ends up not panning out, they pack it in. Oh, well, gave that a shot, let's go work at Target.

People - this is a hard career. I've been at it full-time (other than the day job) for a good 7-8 years now. And I still have the day job. Sure, I've had minor successes here and there, but even now, none of the projects I have out there in development are "sold" and they could just as easily fall apart. And if they do, will I quit? Well, fucking hell, no. It'll piss me off, sure. But I'll try again. And again.

So you wrote a script that didn't sell. Write another one. That one not sell either? Then write another one. Or re-write the 1st one. Or go make it your damn self.

You will be disappointed. You will be pissed. You will be in tears. Frustrated. Blocked. Did I mention disappointed? And all the while you better be blogging about it, cause we all go through it, and it sucks, but we move on, we get over it, and we fucking write. Cause we love it.

But quitting? Not. An. Option.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

My Way-Too Early Predictions....

Back in March I decided to predict the Oscars of 2006. Here were my choices for Best Picture.......

Flags Of Our Fathers
Running With Scissors
Marie Antoinette
The Good Shepard

I wasn't nuts for thinking of those at the time (without seeing them, reading them, etc). Flags might still make it, and Dreamgirls seems like a shoo-in. Running with Scissors? Won't make it, but might get Annette Bening a Best Actree Nom (it seems all will lose to Helen Mirren anyway). Marie won't make it in for anything at this point. And we'll see how the Good Shepard plays out. My prediction that Eddie Murphy will get a nomination for supporting will likely come true.

My other pics that might get a best pic nomination if the ones listed above didn't all make it were The Departed (now of course, it's a no-brainer), All The King's Men (Ha!), The Fountain (too "out there" to get a nom), The Prestige (maybe a screenplay nomination), Zodiac (moved to 2007), Breaking & Entering (not sure about this one yet), and Stranger Than Fiction (doubtful).

Hey, it was March, and I was bored! What do you guys think?

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Back from Vaca

Well, I'm back. We hit Florida for a week, did the Disney thing (again, we went for Easter) and hit a few other things. We basically covered what we missed last time in Disney - it's still the same, plastic perfection. I still think they need to update the Magic Kingdom. Their Carousel Of "Progress" is a joke, and the marionette-type of puppets just don't cut it.

We also hit Medieval times (very cool) and Wonderworks (magicians, comedy, etc - neat place). Gatorland was in flames when we arrived so that was out, so we went to Silver Springs. An okay place but it's basically run by Grandparents - Nice joint with some good views of gators & shit, but it needed some life! You could hear a pin drop. Our "captain" who rode us around in their famous glass-bottom boats said he'd worked their for 100 years - I believed him.

We also stayed at the Nick Hotel for a night - 100x better than a Disney hotel stay. When I walked into our suite and saw the very large flat-screen TV on the living room wall, they had me.

Finally, South Of The Border. Bomb it. Just get rid of the thing. I used to think its retro-look made it a cool place. Now I realize it's just a dirty, filthy abomination run by Guttertrash. Couldn't even attept to eat at any of their restaurants, they all stunk of piss and cancer.

Anyway, the family had a good time. I think my wife only threatened to kill me 3-4 times (I likely deserved it) and I believe I only threatened my oldest son with leaving him by the side of the road twice. Good times!

Now, back to work.

Friday, November 03, 2006


What ever happened to Savage Steve Holland, director of the classic 80s John Cusack epics One Crazy Summer & Better Off Dead? Well, look no further than Nickolodeon. I got a chuckle when we were watching (with the kids, silly) Ned's Declassified (it's actually a smart, funny show) and his name pop up as director. Savage Steve rocks!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

How Silly Can you Get?

What movie features the above-mentioned song? Winner gets a cookie.

Nothing new on the writing front. Cricket Hill (TV Show Pilot) is still out to the director's agents, awaiting word on our next step. These things take time, lots of it.

Food Fight (Feature) has seen the rounds, and is still seeing more rounds. No one has bit yet. C'mon, people, bite!

With all my new writing ideas that I wanted to start work on, I froze up and couldn't really focus on any of them. so I switched gears and went back to re-write a 7 year old script (one of my better ones from that era), gave it a new title and voila! I love it all over again. I'll send it out to the manager this weekend and see what he thinks.

Ain't seen crap at the movies, but I'd like to see The Departed, The Prestige and The Borat. But Borat's release was slimmed down (I heard it'll go out on 800 screens). With the buzz this was getting, I thought a wider release would have been smarter. Then again, I'm still a home inspector so what do I know. Deja Vu doesn't look like anything special, I'll wait for HBO.

Saw American Dreamz. It stank. Slow and NOT very edgy. Had a moment or two, and the performances were good, but the script stunk like a beer shit. Deja Vu doesn't look like anything special, I'll wait for HBO.

Weeds - Now that was a finale. Balls to the wall fun, tension, and great drama. A highlight was when the youngest son, while giving his speech as he's graduating INTO Junior High, lashes out at the clueless parents/teachers, etc and exclaims "There are motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane." Brilliant. Can't wait 'til next season.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Kerry Vs. Dumb Republicans

Leave the dude alone. He screwed up the punchline to a lame joke. So? Fucking Republicans have to jump all over him now. HE HATES THE TROOPS! HE HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOUR DYING SONS IN IRAQ! HE EATS KITTENS!

Should we count the times Bush said something that came out wrong? It's only every time he opens his mouth, I just take it with a grain of salt. You don't want to agree with/like Kerry? Fine, don't. But don't use this idiotic non-story as your reason.

I'm not Mr. Political here, so I'll keep this short. But we're in a god-awful mess "over there." This isn't news, I know, but it's ugly and Kerry knows that and if anything, he wants our troops HOME. Now. Because he's actually been in a war.

Kerry might not have been the perfect candidate, but he was a great alternative and I sure as hell voted for him.

But don't worry, Bush's people said Iraq's government should be able to take over in about a year-and-a-half. Funny thing though, that's what they said last year.