Thursday, December 29, 2005

New Script Opening Scene

Here's the opening of a new script I've started working on. It's called The Nine Lives Of Dalt Stickle. I'm gonna send out page 1 to that Page One contest, see what happens......


FADE IN:
EXT. SMALL TOWN STREET - DAY

DALT STICKLE, a boy around 6, walks down the street nursing a melting ice cream cone. He tries to lick it as it melts all over his hands.He steps off the curb to cross the street, his gaze never leaving the messy cone.A CAR HORN BLARES at him as a rusted-beast of a car barrels at him.

DALT’S DAD, mid 30s, blue-collar, grabs him and pulls him back onto the sidewalk as the car speeds by and zooms off.

DALT’S DAD
Holy-Jesus-loving-Christ! What ails you, Dalt? Huh? You trying to get yourself killed?
DALT
No, I was.....
DALT’S DAD
That car woulda dragged your skin-and-bones down the street, your face scraping against the god-damn road the whole way!
DALT
My face?
DALT’S DAD
Peel it clean off it would!
DALT
But Dad......!
DALT’S DAD
Don’t “But Dad” my ass. Staring at that mess of an ice cream cone like it was the holy-god-damn-grail.
DALT
But I like vanilla.
DALT’S DAD
Well, vanilla almost got you killed.

Dalt’s Dad walks off ahead of him. Dalt follows, tossing the cone away.

DALT (V.O.)
When you’re a kid you think you’re invincible. And then life takes a shit on you.

8 comments:

Robert Hogan said...

Damn fine opening scene. You definitely have me hooked.

Rob

writebrother said...

I like the title. A name like Dalt Stickle makes you curious enough to want to read more.

oneslackmartian said...

I love "Dalt Stickle" as well. I always try to image people buying tickets for my titles. "Two for Dalt Stikle." Yeah, that works.

I have to admit the scene put me in the mood for vanilla ice cream.

Until the last line. That put me in the mood for chocolate.

taZ said...

Agree it is a solid opening!
And a solid title!
And a solid name!

Nice dad caring about his kid and then tells him to don’t “But Dad” his ass. And then all the shit-stuff.

Like.

oneslackmartian said...

That reminds me, my dad would say "shit" in front of us, and Mom would yell at him, "Don't say 'shit' in front of the K-I-D-S."

the IMAGINATIVE ACTION REGIME said...

i've never heard of this contest...have you entered it before? how'd you hear about it?

Konrad West said...

"When you’re a kid you think you’re invincible. And then life takes a shit on you."

Love it.

Patrick J. Rodio said...

Thanks!

The Page One contest has been around for a while.

http://www.screenwritersgroup.com/Events&Competitions/pageone.htm

It's co-sponsored by Creative Screenwriting. The contest has been around for a few years (I think they date their finalists back to 2001).

So, we'll see. This script is still in the early stages, but I'll keep you all posted as I get into it more.