Saturday, January 14, 2006

Quotes

Okay, took me a day but I'll post a follow-up to Scott The Reader's idea of sharing our favorite lines. I've got a few, and these are just from skimming, because aren't all of our lines our favorites?

By the way, some of the following may be offensive. Proceed with caution.
If you're offended, I do apologize.

From THE RAVE AT DANNY CARTER'S HOUSE:

LEM
The thong is like an arrow. “Ass-crack due South!”
Or this exchange:
DANNY
Hey, Krista. I was just eating this pretzel. Well, I hadn’t actually started the pretzel yet, but I was going to. I did have a little chunk of pretzel salt, and I liked that so I’m assuming that I’ll like the pretzel as well. How do you feel about this topic?
KRISTA
Salt?
DANNY
Or pretzels. You choose.
From THE SCENIC ROUTE:
JIMMY
Or we can hit the China massage. You know you’re a sucker for those Asian gals. But you gotta tip them this time, buddy. They get pissed, and rightly so, when you skip the tip after they do all that work.
PJ
I’m a good tipper.
JIMMY
Twenty bucks is a slap in the face.
And this:
JIMMY
Dude, I’m just trying to save you fifteen years in an empty marriage that’ll end with you going on a kill-crazy rampage through a shopping mall at Christmas, gunning down everything in sight. You’d probably even take out Santa Claus you sick, twisted bastard.
WYATT
I wouldn’t kill Santa.
From HEADSHOT:
WHEELER
Fuck it. We’re only having sandwiches anyway.
BITCH
No pizza?
WHEELER
Sandwiches only, Bitch. And if you’re good, you can have some mayonnaise on yours. And if you’re super-good, you can get a bag of chips.
BITCH
Barbecue?
WHEELER
Don’t fucking push it.
And this:
WHEELER
So I’m telling this motherfucker: “You either throw in that money, okay? Or I’ll piss right in your daughter’s face.”
GAVIN
And thus we had our budget for our first film.
And this:
STAN
It’s horrible, I know. But it didn’t used to be so sex-drenched before Wheeler got a hold of it. There was less coke-snorting and masturbation. But what the hell, it’s getting made, right?
This is from WHITE GOLD:
RANDY
Alright, Trip is on diarrhea watch.
And this:
PUNCH
It’s kinda like Forest Gump meets Titanic.
RANDY
Is it about a boat full of retards?
And this:
RANDY
If she takes off her shirt and shows us those headlights, we all win!

3 comments:

oneslackmartian said...

BITCH
Barbecue?
WHEELER
Don’t fucking push it.

Haha, good stuff.

I was confused on another one. Since when is 20 bucks not a good tip?

Robert Hogan said...

Fucking funny stuff man. I would love to read your scripts.

Rob

Patrick J. Rodio said...

$20 for a happy ending is not a good tip.