By the way, some of the following may be offensive. Proceed with caution.
If you're offended, I do apologize.
From THE RAVE AT DANNY CARTER'S HOUSE:
The thong is like an arrow. “Ass-crack due South!”
Or this exchange:
Hey, Krista. I was just eating this pretzel. Well, I hadn’t actually started the pretzel yet, but I was going to. I did have a little chunk of pretzel salt, and I liked that so I’m assuming that I’ll like the pretzel as well. How do you feel about this topic?
Or pretzels. You choose.
From THE SCENIC ROUTE:
Or we can hit the China massage. You know you’re a sucker for those Asian gals. But you gotta tip them this time, buddy. They get pissed, and rightly so, when you skip the tip after they do all that work.
I’m a good tipper.
Twenty bucks is a slap in the face.
Dude, I’m just trying to save you fifteen years in an empty marriage that’ll end with you going on a kill-crazy rampage through a shopping mall at Christmas, gunning down everything in sight. You’d probably even take out Santa Claus you sick, twisted bastard.
I wouldn’t kill Santa.
Fuck it. We’re only having sandwiches anyway.
Sandwiches only, Bitch. And if you’re good, you can have some mayonnaise on yours. And if you’re super-good, you can get a bag of chips.
Don’t fucking push it.
So I’m telling this motherfucker: “You either throw in that money, okay? Or I’ll piss right in your daughter’s face.”
And thus we had our budget for our first film.
It’s horrible, I know. But it didn’t used to be so sex-drenched before Wheeler got a hold of it. There was less coke-snorting and masturbation. But what the hell, it’s getting made, right?
This is from WHITE GOLD:
Alright, Trip is on diarrhea watch.
It’s kinda like Forest Gump meets Titanic.
Is it about a boat full of retards?
If she takes off her shirt and shows us those headlights, we all win!