I wanted to write this on June 8th, but, well, I didn't. But I wanted to share.
6/8 was the deadline for Austin. And I just HAD to send something. I had a few choices I was thinking about sending a month prior, but life sped up to the weekend prior to the late deadline and there I was, with nothing sent yet. So I decided to send The Stand-In.
So I went to print it on Friday night, thinking I can mail it Saturday the 6th. But I discovered I was out of ink.
Fuck.
So, after work on Saturday I buy ink. Head home, print the mofo out. But I don't have 3 hole punch paper (I swore I did), and can't find my 3-hole puncher. Post office is closed anway so I gotta wait 'til Monday.
Monday the 8th.
6:30am. Rise. Make breakfast for my kids.
7:00am. Get spatula, scrape kids out of bed.
8:15am. Drop the kids off at school, head to work, take script and entry materials with me.
9:00am. Start working. No time to mail script yet.
12:00. First inspection (I'm a home inspector) runs long. I know my office has a 3 hole punch so I run over there, 3-hole punch The Stand In, then realize I still need card stock covers. But I'm running late and head straight to 2nd inspection.
NOTE: It's at this point of my day that I wish Austin joined the 00's and accepted e-mail submissions.
4:00pm. Inspection ends. Hit Staples to grab card stock. Attach card stock, head to Post Office.
4:53pm. While in line at Post Office I make the mistake at glancing at the script (don't do this). I see two things that I would immediately want to change. Not typos, but poor wording.
On the 1st page.
No time for corrections, I mailed it off.
Hectic day aside, my thoughts spin around me. Did I pick the right script? I thought it was a good comedy, but good enough to place? I just don't know. I got my notice from BlueCat regarding the quarterfinals (didn't make it). I wasn't even in the top 987,645,464 quarter-finalists. And what did I send? The Stand-In.
So, Austin looks bleak. Enjoy the $50 bucks, Austin. Buy yourself something pretty.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Where Are We?
Hello? Fellow bloggers? Where the hell did we go? Are we over the blogging thing? I dunno. I mean, I have time to post, I just don't do it. And it seems like a lot of other bloggers/writers have stopped as well. Not all, of course, but there's been a noticeable drop off.
Are we busy writing? Working the day job? Raising a family? Farting around? Farting?
Writing's been hard to get going. I still have several scripts started and am working on them as I much as I can, I've listed their titles here before. I'll mail out The Stand-In to Austin on Monday, and am waiting on the Bluecat Results (quarterfinals announced soon).
Peace out.
Are we busy writing? Working the day job? Raising a family? Farting around? Farting?
Writing's been hard to get going. I still have several scripts started and am working on them as I much as I can, I've listed their titles here before. I'll mail out The Stand-In to Austin on Monday, and am waiting on the Bluecat Results (quarterfinals announced soon).
Peace out.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
BlueCat Feedback - The Stand-In
Okay, gang, here's the feedback from Bluecat, for my comedy, The Stand-In. My logline is:
Pete, an anti-social loser, hires a male model, Simon, to attend his high school reunion cruise as Pete to "wow" his former classmates. But when Simon falls for Kara, Pete's high school crush, Pete takes matters into his own hands and battles the model for her heart.
The feedback.....
What did you like about this script?
Pete's initial humiliation-by-wedgie is an amusing scene. Pete clearlyseems destined for a life of humiliation and sexual failure; youeffectively set him up as a protagonist who needs to transform himself and his life.
When we jump forward chronologically, you swiftly establish that Pete is still a put-upon individual: his good nature is exploited by his colleagues, who pile their work upon him. His dress sense may have improved (slightly), but he seems no closer to romantic success. Will the impending school reunion enable Pete to correct wrong turns that he's previously taken, or will it just be a reminder of his sexual and social failure as a teenager, a pattern that heappears to be stuck in?
You quickly establish Simon as a rather vacuous, self-absorbed hunk.The scenes in which he feigns concern for the starving Africans before switching to diva-esque behavior between takes are amusing (if a little obvious). The impending reunion sets the main plot in motion:Pete hires Simon to impersonate him, creating the impression that he'ssucceeded in life. It's a premise that has comic potential. We already anticipate that things won't go quite according to plan; is Pete's aspiration (to impress everyone with "his" (Simon's) good looks and material success) a false goal? Perhaps accepting himself and being unashamed will prove to be his true goal.
You derive some farcical energy from the scenes on the boat. You quickly show Pete's plan coming unravelled: Simon wants Kara for himself, while Pete discovers that Kara actually had a crush on theold, socially-maladjusted him; he'd have been better off appearingunder his own guise rather than that of the fictitious "Chuck". Of course, Kara hates liars, so he feels compelled not to come forward immediately (a narrative contrivance that is just about convincing).
You tighten the screws on Pete as Simon appears to be successfully winning Kara's heart. How will he undo the confusion he's caused? Can he hope to win Kara away from Simon? Will the (unavoidable) revelation of his true identity anger Kara when it finally arrives?
You bring Pete to an appropriate end point, as he discovers some home truths: that he should have confidence in himself as he is, that the bullies who tormented him were fallible people with insecurities of their own, and that being himself is the route to success with Kara (well, that and a good makeover). Having a fitting end point for your protagonist is a good attribute in a script; so long as you're aware of the "lesson" your protagonist needs to learn, the false goal they're aiming for and the true goal they need to recognize, you havea strong "core" to the script. If things go a little awry in the second act (and they do, somewhat), it's just a matter of remedying this. The spine of the script remains strong.
What do you think needs work?
It's problematic to specify too many songs in the script; you may not be able to secure the rights to use them. It's best to refer to generic types of song if it's absolutely necessary (in the karaoke scene, for instance), rather than being specific. The karaoke sequence itself is overlong; it should only take one song to establish that Pete's unabashed taste for cheesy music endears him to Kara.
Why is Simon so determined to seduce Kara? He's an odiously self-absorbed and cocksure character, obviously, but he has a vested interest in keeping Morty (and, by extension, Pete) happy. It should be easy for Pete to persuade Simon to follow orders and make him lookgood without threatening his relationship with Kara. You need to establish convincingly why Simon goes "rogue" and pursues his own agenda at the risk of angering Morty (who holds the keys to his career in his hands, of course). The mechanics of the plot need a little attention here.
Some of the contests between Simon and Pete (the relay race and the rock-climbing contest) seem a little unnecessary. The second act feels slightly dramatically flaccid. Once we know that Pete has a circle of friends who are prepared to help him defeat Simon, we never feel that Simon is a serious threat to Pete's happiness. Write to increase the possibility that Kara will fall for Simon; make him more of a real romantic threat. Deepen Kara as a character; she feels slightly one-dimensional, a "prize" for Pete to win rather than a distinctive personality in her own right.
Pete, an anti-social loser, hires a male model, Simon, to attend his high school reunion cruise as Pete to "wow" his former classmates. But when Simon falls for Kara, Pete's high school crush, Pete takes matters into his own hands and battles the model for her heart.
The feedback.....
What did you like about this script?
Pete's initial humiliation-by-wedgie is an amusing scene. Pete clearlyseems destined for a life of humiliation and sexual failure; youeffectively set him up as a protagonist who needs to transform himself and his life.
When we jump forward chronologically, you swiftly establish that Pete is still a put-upon individual: his good nature is exploited by his colleagues, who pile their work upon him. His dress sense may have improved (slightly), but he seems no closer to romantic success. Will the impending school reunion enable Pete to correct wrong turns that he's previously taken, or will it just be a reminder of his sexual and social failure as a teenager, a pattern that heappears to be stuck in?
You quickly establish Simon as a rather vacuous, self-absorbed hunk.The scenes in which he feigns concern for the starving Africans before switching to diva-esque behavior between takes are amusing (if a little obvious). The impending reunion sets the main plot in motion:Pete hires Simon to impersonate him, creating the impression that he'ssucceeded in life. It's a premise that has comic potential. We already anticipate that things won't go quite according to plan; is Pete's aspiration (to impress everyone with "his" (Simon's) good looks and material success) a false goal? Perhaps accepting himself and being unashamed will prove to be his true goal.
You derive some farcical energy from the scenes on the boat. You quickly show Pete's plan coming unravelled: Simon wants Kara for himself, while Pete discovers that Kara actually had a crush on theold, socially-maladjusted him; he'd have been better off appearingunder his own guise rather than that of the fictitious "Chuck". Of course, Kara hates liars, so he feels compelled not to come forward immediately (a narrative contrivance that is just about convincing).
You tighten the screws on Pete as Simon appears to be successfully winning Kara's heart. How will he undo the confusion he's caused? Can he hope to win Kara away from Simon? Will the (unavoidable) revelation of his true identity anger Kara when it finally arrives?
You bring Pete to an appropriate end point, as he discovers some home truths: that he should have confidence in himself as he is, that the bullies who tormented him were fallible people with insecurities of their own, and that being himself is the route to success with Kara (well, that and a good makeover). Having a fitting end point for your protagonist is a good attribute in a script; so long as you're aware of the "lesson" your protagonist needs to learn, the false goal they're aiming for and the true goal they need to recognize, you havea strong "core" to the script. If things go a little awry in the second act (and they do, somewhat), it's just a matter of remedying this. The spine of the script remains strong.
What do you think needs work?
It's problematic to specify too many songs in the script; you may not be able to secure the rights to use them. It's best to refer to generic types of song if it's absolutely necessary (in the karaoke scene, for instance), rather than being specific. The karaoke sequence itself is overlong; it should only take one song to establish that Pete's unabashed taste for cheesy music endears him to Kara.
Why is Simon so determined to seduce Kara? He's an odiously self-absorbed and cocksure character, obviously, but he has a vested interest in keeping Morty (and, by extension, Pete) happy. It should be easy for Pete to persuade Simon to follow orders and make him lookgood without threatening his relationship with Kara. You need to establish convincingly why Simon goes "rogue" and pursues his own agenda at the risk of angering Morty (who holds the keys to his career in his hands, of course). The mechanics of the plot need a little attention here.
Some of the contests between Simon and Pete (the relay race and the rock-climbing contest) seem a little unnecessary. The second act feels slightly dramatically flaccid. Once we know that Pete has a circle of friends who are prepared to help him defeat Simon, we never feel that Simon is a serious threat to Pete's happiness. Write to increase the possibility that Kara will fall for Simon; make him more of a real romantic threat. Deepen Kara as a character; she feels slightly one-dimensional, a "prize" for Pete to win rather than a distinctive personality in her own right.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Best of 2008
Ok, I'm way late on this but haven't updated in a while. Working on a few scripts and have finally settled on one, a comedy called Born Again Christian. Act 1 is done and I'm onto Act 2.
So here's my "Bests" lists of 2008, music & film. Music-wise is not an order, there were several important albums to me, hard to pick a best.
Coldplay - Viva La Vida & Prospekt's March - Both the album & EP brought us some amazing songs. Lovers In Japan, Life In Technicolor (1 & 2), Lost, Strawberry Swing....
Radiohead - In Rainbows - Not their best album, for me that's The Bends, but it had some amazing moments, none better than Videotape.
Weezer - Not incredible but solid. It has two wonderful songs, The Angel & The One as well as The Greatest Man That Ever Lived.
Best Flicks -
1. Let The Right One In - The direction. Cinematography. Acting. The snow. The blood. And the pool scene. Whoa. Currently being re-made by us silly Americans, which is a shame.
2. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist - Beyond a fun, cool soundtrack is the smart script, directing and wonderful acting. It feels like you're there, because you'd had this kind of night. The night that nothing yet everything happens, and the night you'll never forget.
3. In Bruges - Stellar. A dark, pitch black comedy. Ralph Fiennes, Colin Farrell and ....are at the top of their game, with a cool biting script.
4. Milk - Fantastic.
5. The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke & Evan Rachel Wood sitting by the ocean. That's truth.
So here's my "Bests" lists of 2008, music & film. Music-wise is not an order, there were several important albums to me, hard to pick a best.
The Airborne Toxic Event - An amazing debut, and every song on this album is terrific. And the album-ender, Innocence, might just be one of the best songs I've heard in years. If I picked a number 1 this would be it.
Keane - Their 3rd album, Spiraling. A little more energetic than their 1st two, just about everysong on here is solid. And like Airborne Toxic, it has an amazing closer - Love Is The End.
James - Hey Ma - Great, great, great from start to finish. Waterfall is a stand out.
Coldplay - Viva La Vida & Prospekt's March - Both the album & EP brought us some amazing songs. Lovers In Japan, Life In Technicolor (1 & 2), Lost, Strawberry Swing....
Radiohead - In Rainbows - Not their best album, for me that's The Bends, but it had some amazing moments, none better than Videotape.
Weezer - Not incredible but solid. It has two wonderful songs, The Angel & The One as well as The Greatest Man That Ever Lived.
Sigur Ros - No, I don't know what the singer is singing, but the music is powerful and inspiring.
Charlatans UK - You Cross My Path - Welcome back, guys. A solid return to form.
MGMT - Time To Pretend - This is a grand album, with songs that sneak up on you. And just try NOT to dance to the song, Time to Pretend.
Youth Group - The Night Is Ours - they've still never topped their amazing debut but this is still a fine album. A fave is Dying At Your Own Party.Best Flicks -
1. Let The Right One In - The direction. Cinematography. Acting. The snow. The blood. And the pool scene. Whoa. Currently being re-made by us silly Americans, which is a shame.
2. Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist - Beyond a fun, cool soundtrack is the smart script, directing and wonderful acting. It feels like you're there, because you'd had this kind of night. The night that nothing yet everything happens, and the night you'll never forget.
3. In Bruges - Stellar. A dark, pitch black comedy. Ralph Fiennes, Colin Farrell and ....are at the top of their game, with a cool biting script.
4. Milk - Fantastic.
5. The Wrestler - Mickey Rourke & Evan Rachel Wood sitting by the ocean. That's truth.
6. The Dark Knight - Yup, Ledger is amazing, and even if he hadn't died tragically, he still should have won that Oscar. But more than that, this is a great film.
7. Role Models -It could have been a dumb, thoughtless romp. It wasn't.
8. Wall-E - A beauty.
9. Forgetting Sarah Marshall - Same as with Role Models. Coulda be a waste but it really rocked.
10. Burn After Reading - not the Coens' best, but it's tight, smart and fun/fucked up.
Coulda been good but was really just Ok......Benjamin Button - Yeah, it was pretty much EXACTLY like Forrest Gump, plot-point for plot-point. Characters, too. Same writer as well. And dialogue that mirrored each other. ("My name is Forrest. Forrest Gump"...."My name is Benjamin. Benjamin Button")...BUT it still told an interesting story.
My main problem was it was too cold. Some critics applauded because Fincher left out some of the shmaltz. Well, having a heart and pouring on the shmaltz are 2 different things. The movie lacked a heart.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
BACK
It's been a weird fucking year. 2008. It can go, can't wait 'til it does.
I thought 2007 was a weird one.
I wish I had 2007 back.
It's also hard to believe that 2008 is already over. I have these mini-flashbacks of events that happened this year that seemed like they JUST happened.
Bascially, life is moving r e a l l y fast. We all know this, of course, but it's amazing how fast it does go when you think about crap like that.
Scripts:
I was trying to get my horror script done but my head/heart/guts just aren't into it.
I had 3 script requests before the holidays - The Money Shot, The Stand-In, and A Couple Of Joes. Sent them out, hope to hear something in January. Fingers crossed.
Bloom/Separation Of Nate - Haven't gotten much done on it lately but an adjustment here, a tweak there.
Westville - Still love this one, and I think it'll be the one I finish next. I've got Act 1 done and I'm happy with it, and I'm well into Act 2. It's a fun script, has elements of Diner & American Graffitti.
Titan - This was my high school drama. Not about a shooting (although it touches on one) but focuses on one kid who is pretty much left behind, bullied, etc, and how his life falls apart. I think a story like this will always be topical - maybe too much so - I'd hate to rip off some story of some poor kid from a current headline.
And I've got about 5-6 others that I look at every now & then, itching to click on the file and getting back to them.
Movies:
Saw some stuff here & there.....
Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist - Loved this. A sweet movie, great performances, and a killer soundtrack.
Burn After Reading - Smart & fun as hell.
Milk - Really well done. Sean Penn was superb, and Gus Van Sant really poured his heart into this.
Let The Right One In - A stunner.
Role Models - Funniest movie of the year of good, funny movies. Also loved Tropic Thunder, but Role Models is better. Jane Lynch is great in support - will someone give this lady an award already?!
The Day The Earth Stood Still - Not horrible.
Changeling - Interesting story. Had the pace of a dead tortoise but was a decent film, just something I'd never really watch again.
Can't wait to see: The Wrestler, Benjamin Button
Happy holidays.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
All Over The Place
Usually, I've got a few scripts open and sorta pop back and forth between them, depending on my mood that day.
Now I'm a mess.
I've narrowed my screenplays down to 2 (that I want to work on). No, wait. 3. Krikey.
One is Bloom (tentative title, we discussed this a few posts ago, and thanks for the input). The other is Temp'd, which is my little crime comedy of sorts. The other is Westville, about love, friendship and odometers.
And now, my books.
Yeah, books.
One is a memoir. Yeah, everybody's got one. Well, so do I, dammit. The other 2 are adaptations of screenplays. Cricket Hill (2nd place comedy at Austin in 2003 - For those of you down there this year, good luck and have fun). The other is Brightsword, which is a fantasy comedy.
I decided to work backwards on these (as opposed to adapting a novel) because:
A. I had bad writer's blockage.
B. Cricket Hill is a hard sell as a feature-script, and is better suited as a TV series (tried that 3 years ago until the company that optioned it went belly-up), or a novel.
But its too much to work on all at once, too much to think about. I know I have to focus on one (ok, maybe 2) so I can stop fartin' 'round and get at least one of these completed soon.
Now I'm a mess.
I've narrowed my screenplays down to 2 (that I want to work on). No, wait. 3. Krikey.
One is Bloom (tentative title, we discussed this a few posts ago, and thanks for the input). The other is Temp'd, which is my little crime comedy of sorts. The other is Westville, about love, friendship and odometers.
And now, my books.
Yeah, books.
One is a memoir. Yeah, everybody's got one. Well, so do I, dammit. The other 2 are adaptations of screenplays. Cricket Hill (2nd place comedy at Austin in 2003 - For those of you down there this year, good luck and have fun). The other is Brightsword, which is a fantasy comedy.
I decided to work backwards on these (as opposed to adapting a novel) because:
A. I had bad writer's blockage.
B. Cricket Hill is a hard sell as a feature-script, and is better suited as a TV series (tried that 3 years ago until the company that optioned it went belly-up), or a novel.
But its too much to work on all at once, too much to think about. I know I have to focus on one (ok, maybe 2) so I can stop fartin' 'round and get at least one of these completed soon.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
More Union Feedback - Writers On The Storm
I entered my script, Union, into Writers On The Storm and didn't get far. Ok, I got nowhere. They did provide feedback. Here it goes..........
Recommendation: Pass
Strengths/Weaknesses:
There are a lot of fun moments in this script, and a great family dynamic, but the story doesn't quite come together as it should. Characters are so quirky that they have a tendency to feel like caricatures instead of fleshed out people. The pacing of the story drags as a result of the flashbacks and changes in perspective. A good start, but a ways to go.
Reader suggestions:
One of the major concerns of the script is that we're never quite sure who the protagonist is, Hoyt or Barnaby. Barnaby's narrator status makes us lean toward him - the audience is seeing the story from his perspective.
However, the majority of the story centers on Hoyt. This slows the story down. Strengthen pacing by giving the script a stronger conflict, and making sure it sticks to a classic three-act structure, which works well with comedies. Consider eliminating some or all of the flashbacks - we don't need them to understand the family, and they interrupt the narrative.
Work on fleshing out the whole family - give them more flaws, more motivated personality, and more active goals throughout the script.
***At the end of the notes they gave it some scores, it boiled down to Structure, Major & Minor Characters, Title, Premise & Execution being labeled as SO-SO and Dialogue, Style/Voice, Originality, and Commerciality labeled as GOOD.
"So-So." That's a funny critique. They should have a "Neat" or "It was aiight" or "Kinda sucked."
Oh well, onto the next contest/script/query/who knows.
Recommendation: Pass
Strengths/Weaknesses:
There are a lot of fun moments in this script, and a great family dynamic, but the story doesn't quite come together as it should. Characters are so quirky that they have a tendency to feel like caricatures instead of fleshed out people. The pacing of the story drags as a result of the flashbacks and changes in perspective. A good start, but a ways to go.
Reader suggestions:
One of the major concerns of the script is that we're never quite sure who the protagonist is, Hoyt or Barnaby. Barnaby's narrator status makes us lean toward him - the audience is seeing the story from his perspective.
However, the majority of the story centers on Hoyt. This slows the story down. Strengthen pacing by giving the script a stronger conflict, and making sure it sticks to a classic three-act structure, which works well with comedies. Consider eliminating some or all of the flashbacks - we don't need them to understand the family, and they interrupt the narrative.
Work on fleshing out the whole family - give them more flaws, more motivated personality, and more active goals throughout the script.
***At the end of the notes they gave it some scores, it boiled down to Structure, Major & Minor Characters, Title, Premise & Execution being labeled as SO-SO and Dialogue, Style/Voice, Originality, and Commerciality labeled as GOOD.
"So-So." That's a funny critique. They should have a "Neat" or "It was aiight" or "Kinda sucked."
Oh well, onto the next contest/script/query/who knows.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
I Sing Myself To Sleep........
The last time I saw James was 1992. Tower Theater in Upper Darby, PA. They were opening for Squeeze, and I got to meet them afterwards as they were hanging out, looking for a cool place to go (we had no interest in Squeeze). Nothing like a little chit-chat with a band you admire. A similar thing happened last week at the Trocadero in Philly.
I got the the concert as the opening band, Unkle Bob, was playing. Good stuff actually, I had no expectations. Never heard of them. Anyhoo, they played and were gone, and soon James began. For those of you who don't know them, their big hit was LAID from many moons ago (it's in most teen movie previews). And yes, I named my teen movie Laid. Ok, anyway...
James played, and they were astonishing. They played all their gems. Sit Down. Sometimes. Born Of Frustration. Seven. Ring the Bells. Say Something........
I love it when a band breaks out a trumpet and violin, then invites the audience to sing the chorus of their tunes. On Sometimes, we all sang the ending chorus for about 5 minutes as the band just watched, smiling. Good stuff.
After the show I decided to check out the overpriced t-shirt section. I asked a dude how much the shirts were. $30 per t-shirt. Man, I used to balk at $20. But he mentioned that Unkle Bob shirts were only $20, and I told him I only had $15 (I truly did). He said they'd accept that. I figured they were an upstart band, and selling merch is a good way for them to make some cash so I gave him my last $15. And it turns out he was the lead singer of the band, out selling t-shirts.
We chatted for a few minutes, mostly small talk, he told me to find them on myspace & facebook.
Now, I understand they're not well known (they did apparently have a song on Grey's Anatomy last year) but sometimes you just can't beat seeing bands in a small venue, rubbing elbows with a possible future rock God.
"Sometimes.....I look in your eyes and see your soul."
James, Sometimes.
I got the the concert as the opening band, Unkle Bob, was playing. Good stuff actually, I had no expectations. Never heard of them. Anyhoo, they played and were gone, and soon James began. For those of you who don't know them, their big hit was LAID from many moons ago (it's in most teen movie previews). And yes, I named my teen movie Laid. Ok, anyway...
James played, and they were astonishing. They played all their gems. Sit Down. Sometimes. Born Of Frustration. Seven. Ring the Bells. Say Something........
I love it when a band breaks out a trumpet and violin, then invites the audience to sing the chorus of their tunes. On Sometimes, we all sang the ending chorus for about 5 minutes as the band just watched, smiling. Good stuff.
After the show I decided to check out the overpriced t-shirt section. I asked a dude how much the shirts were. $30 per t-shirt. Man, I used to balk at $20. But he mentioned that Unkle Bob shirts were only $20, and I told him I only had $15 (I truly did). He said they'd accept that. I figured they were an upstart band, and selling merch is a good way for them to make some cash so I gave him my last $15. And it turns out he was the lead singer of the band, out selling t-shirts.
We chatted for a few minutes, mostly small talk, he told me to find them on myspace & facebook.
Now, I understand they're not well known (they did apparently have a song on Grey's Anatomy last year) but sometimes you just can't beat seeing bands in a small venue, rubbing elbows with a possible future rock God.
"Sometimes.....I look in your eyes and see your soul."
James, Sometimes.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
New Script Title
Yo. Been a weird Summer, I'll leave it at that.
I'm awaiting word on two screenplay competitions - Austin, which should hopefully announce 2nd rounders/semi finalists soon (this week?) and Writers On The Storm (9/15 - quarter-finalists). Once again, fingers crossed.
By the way, my new profile pic was taken by me in Serbia back in 2000, in a small village outside of Belgrade. He's a neat kid, and there were a bunch of other amazing kids that had gathered around to see the dorky American with his dorky camera. Got some great shots.
So I've been tinkering with a script or two. Kinda settled (but not really - focus, Pat! Focus!) on two - Westville and another that I'll need your help on:
It's about a 30ish year old guy, married with kids. But his wife is leaving him, and his life is unraveling. It's a drama but with some comedic touches.
His name in the script is Nate Bloom. Two titles I'm kicking aroung are: Bloom & The Separation Of Nate.
Which do you guys prefer?
I'm awaiting word on two screenplay competitions - Austin, which should hopefully announce 2nd rounders/semi finalists soon (this week?) and Writers On The Storm (9/15 - quarter-finalists). Once again, fingers crossed.
By the way, my new profile pic was taken by me in Serbia back in 2000, in a small village outside of Belgrade. He's a neat kid, and there were a bunch of other amazing kids that had gathered around to see the dorky American with his dorky camera. Got some great shots.
So I've been tinkering with a script or two. Kinda settled (but not really - focus, Pat! Focus!) on two - Westville and another that I'll need your help on:
It's about a 30ish year old guy, married with kids. But his wife is leaving him, and his life is unraveling. It's a drama but with some comedic touches.
His name in the script is Nate Bloom. Two titles I'm kicking aroung are: Bloom & The Separation Of Nate.
Which do you guys prefer?
Monday, August 04, 2008
Unless round's funny
Got a few scripts I've been kicking around over the last few months, and as usual, will be starting a new one before the other ones are finished...or even halfway done.
Bluecat Union update - No go for the Semi-finals. Ah, phoey. Guess I'll just have to win at Austin (2nd rounders to be announced at the end of the month - fingers crossed).
Taking a look at some screenplays I started but never finished for a variety of reasons, such as America Inc, Westville, and The Wonderful World Of Wonderworld. All comedies, cause that's my thang.
I started a new screenplay about a month ago that was supposed to be a drama, but couldn't help throwing some comedy at it. Life's funny, what the hell can I do?! That one is called The Separation of Nate. Have an outline for one called Funeral also. So, I may be telling y'all about any number of these soon (hopefully I'll be saying something along the lines of "I finally finished...." or I'll be saying how I just started 6 more new scripts. Who knows. Writers write, so as long as I'm working on something, even with a lack of focus, at least I be writin.'
Still stuck on the new Coldplay, James and Weezer albums, and will be attending the All Points West shebang at Liberty State Park on August 9th with Radiohead headlining. Should be pretty amazing.
Bluecat Union update - No go for the Semi-finals. Ah, phoey. Guess I'll just have to win at Austin (2nd rounders to be announced at the end of the month - fingers crossed).
Taking a look at some screenplays I started but never finished for a variety of reasons, such as America Inc, Westville, and The Wonderful World Of Wonderworld. All comedies, cause that's my thang.
I started a new screenplay about a month ago that was supposed to be a drama, but couldn't help throwing some comedy at it. Life's funny, what the hell can I do?! That one is called The Separation of Nate. Have an outline for one called Funeral also. So, I may be telling y'all about any number of these soon (hopefully I'll be saying something along the lines of "I finally finished...." or I'll be saying how I just started 6 more new scripts. Who knows. Writers write, so as long as I'm working on something, even with a lack of focus, at least I be writin.'
Still stuck on the new Coldplay, James and Weezer albums, and will be attending the All Points West shebang at Liberty State Park on August 9th with Radiohead headlining. Should be pretty amazing.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
'Book Me
So I signed up for Facebook recently. I like it, it's a neat alternative to myspace, and it feels cooler and less dirty/nasty/filthy than myspace.
Anyway, just get on their if y'alls got a facebook page and look me up!
Saw Stepbrothers. Funny stuff. not amazing, and more of Will Ferrell/Man Child antics, but it's still funny shite.
Going to see The Knight That Is Dark on Sunday.
Anyway, just get on their if y'alls got a facebook page and look me up!
Saw Stepbrothers. Funny stuff. not amazing, and more of Will Ferrell/Man Child antics, but it's still funny shite.
Going to see The Knight That Is Dark on Sunday.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
BlueCat Feedback - UNION
Ok, so here is my feedback from The BlueCat Screenplay Competition for my script, Union (currently a quarter-finalist). Fingers crossed that it advances. Here goes.......
What I liked?
What worked in this screenplay was a well written, good natured family/holiday comedy, with a good central plot arc, compelling characters, and a significant theme.
Some of the best of this screenplay were a number of very funny moments throughout the screenplay. Some examples are as follows. Page 45 and 46, very funny, “I’m pregnant”, followed by “I’m a lesbian”. The timing used here was also on point, and showed a sophisticated understanding of comic elements. Pages 81 and 82 were also very funny with the disastrous hunting trip. The scene on page 92, with the mayor on down, confessing their gay experiences in public, was also very entertaining.
The screenplay featured good emotional movement throughout. This was definitely a story with a strong moral center, specifically focused around values of family and acceptance. These thematic elements were a major driving force behind the central plot and character arcs.
Structurally the screenplay was successful in several ways. Scenes turned well with good beats of conflict. Act climaxes weren’t that pronounced, but there were major turning points and reversals placed in strategic locations, roughly based within a three act structure. The main character arcs, Barnaby and Hoyt’s in particular, worked very well in congress with the story’s central plot arc. Further more, from early on starting at the inciting incident, it occurred to me that the success of the screenplay would depend on two things, character dynamics and an increasingly complicated and tenuous set of progressive complications, and second act obstacles. I’ll get to the characters in a minute, but as far as the progressive complications were concerned, you delivered, and kept the screenplay engaging and entertaining.
There were a number of really likeable characters in the screenplay. You easily cultivated an audience investment in all of the family’s collective success, and specifically in Barnaby and Hoyt obtaining their objects of desire. With Barnaby it was about finding himself. With Hoyt it was about making peace with his family, his town, and his self. Both Barnaby and Hoyt had great emotional movement and turning points. Hoyt in particularly was a very dynamic and entertaining character. Though Barnaby, narrated the story and was technically the protagonist, in a way Hoyt’s desire to sort out his family was the spine of the screenplay, more so than Barnaby’s personal character arc, as it would seem. In this screenplay Barnaby’s own character arc, in all actuality, takes a back seat to the collective character arcs of the family members.
What needs work?
A big problem here is genre. Since this is a family/holiday comedy, with an adolescent protagonist, most of your audience is going to be either young adults or entire families. Your audience is young adults, while the content is very adult. The situations are often too thematically sophisticated for your demographic, and the humor is usually too edgy.
You’ve written a very good adult comedy in a family genre. A great example of where this is a problem is on page 68, the sex scene between Liz and Hoyt. This scene is very graphic and has very explicit conversation and content. This scene alone would guarantee you an R rating. Forget that you lose most of your audience demographic right there; no audience wants to see this scene. No one wants to see or think about their own parents having sex, and they certainly don’t want to see Barnaby’s. As a general rule, parents having sexual intercourse should be left out of any cinema altogether. There’s also a ton of cursing in this screenplay. Some of it could be cut without affecting the story, or the humor. Some of the bad language seems to derive solely from Barnaby’s narration, and that I think it would behoove you to tone it down.
The ending is a little sappy, and emotionally contrived. I liked the fact that Hoyt becomes friends with Pissbottom, but from the way in which it occurs, there isn’t any strong motivation or catalyst behind the change. Suddenly Pissbottom just breaks down and admits to Hoyt the reason for his animosity. This is fine, but maybe there can be something stronger which drives this change in Pissbottom.
What I liked?
What worked in this screenplay was a well written, good natured family/holiday comedy, with a good central plot arc, compelling characters, and a significant theme.
Some of the best of this screenplay were a number of very funny moments throughout the screenplay. Some examples are as follows. Page 45 and 46, very funny, “I’m pregnant”, followed by “I’m a lesbian”. The timing used here was also on point, and showed a sophisticated understanding of comic elements. Pages 81 and 82 were also very funny with the disastrous hunting trip. The scene on page 92, with the mayor on down, confessing their gay experiences in public, was also very entertaining.
The screenplay featured good emotional movement throughout. This was definitely a story with a strong moral center, specifically focused around values of family and acceptance. These thematic elements were a major driving force behind the central plot and character arcs.
Structurally the screenplay was successful in several ways. Scenes turned well with good beats of conflict. Act climaxes weren’t that pronounced, but there were major turning points and reversals placed in strategic locations, roughly based within a three act structure. The main character arcs, Barnaby and Hoyt’s in particular, worked very well in congress with the story’s central plot arc. Further more, from early on starting at the inciting incident, it occurred to me that the success of the screenplay would depend on two things, character dynamics and an increasingly complicated and tenuous set of progressive complications, and second act obstacles. I’ll get to the characters in a minute, but as far as the progressive complications were concerned, you delivered, and kept the screenplay engaging and entertaining.
There were a number of really likeable characters in the screenplay. You easily cultivated an audience investment in all of the family’s collective success, and specifically in Barnaby and Hoyt obtaining their objects of desire. With Barnaby it was about finding himself. With Hoyt it was about making peace with his family, his town, and his self. Both Barnaby and Hoyt had great emotional movement and turning points. Hoyt in particularly was a very dynamic and entertaining character. Though Barnaby, narrated the story and was technically the protagonist, in a way Hoyt’s desire to sort out his family was the spine of the screenplay, more so than Barnaby’s personal character arc, as it would seem. In this screenplay Barnaby’s own character arc, in all actuality, takes a back seat to the collective character arcs of the family members.
What needs work?
A big problem here is genre. Since this is a family/holiday comedy, with an adolescent protagonist, most of your audience is going to be either young adults or entire families. Your audience is young adults, while the content is very adult. The situations are often too thematically sophisticated for your demographic, and the humor is usually too edgy.
You’ve written a very good adult comedy in a family genre. A great example of where this is a problem is on page 68, the sex scene between Liz and Hoyt. This scene is very graphic and has very explicit conversation and content. This scene alone would guarantee you an R rating. Forget that you lose most of your audience demographic right there; no audience wants to see this scene. No one wants to see or think about their own parents having sex, and they certainly don’t want to see Barnaby’s. As a general rule, parents having sexual intercourse should be left out of any cinema altogether. There’s also a ton of cursing in this screenplay. Some of it could be cut without affecting the story, or the humor. Some of the bad language seems to derive solely from Barnaby’s narration, and that I think it would behoove you to tone it down.
The ending is a little sappy, and emotionally contrived. I liked the fact that Hoyt becomes friends with Pissbottom, but from the way in which it occurs, there isn’t any strong motivation or catalyst behind the change. Suddenly Pissbottom just breaks down and admits to Hoyt the reason for his animosity. This is fine, but maybe there can be something stronger which drives this change in Pissbottom.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
We'll Survive - The 7 Song Meme
Okay, Crymes hath tagged me with the 7 song Meme (What I'm litening to right now). This is pretty much it, in no order:
1. Weezer -The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. A fun, jokey song, but also one that you can listen to and decide that you're gonna kick some ass.
2. Weezer - The Angel & The One. This speaks to me. Truly. Usually a tongue-in-cheek band, they drop a few serious ditties once in awhile. The lyrics:
It's not my destiny to be the one that you will lay with
So many reasons why I have to go but want to stay here
Sometimes I want a taste, but then I don't know what I'm saying
You are the angel and I am the one that is praying
There is another love that I would rather be obeying
I see the ecstasy, and already I'm anticipating
I feel a deeper peace, and that deeper peace is penetrating
I've got the magic in me, I am complete is what I'm saying
I'm flying up so high, my purple majesty displaying
I've reached a higher place that no one else can make a claim in
I'll take you there my friend, I'm reaching out my hand, so take it!
We are the angels and we are the ones that are praying
Peace, shalom
Peace, shalom
Peace, peace
3. Maps - Don't Fear - Simple song really, with only 5 lines and it's 6 minutes long. The lyrics are:
Don't fear
The sun
Feel like someone
Somehow, somehow
C'mon
4 & 5. Coldplay - Lovers In Japan & Strawberry Swing - My 2 faves off of their new album, and album full of great songs, but these stand out to me. Just wonderful, wonderful stuff here.
"....One day, the sun will come out...." Lovers In Japan
6 & 7. James - Great band from the UK. They sang the classics Sit Down and their biggest hit, Laid, among other gems. They've got a new album (Hey Ma) with some great stuff, most notably Boom Boom, just a bittersweet, precious song (it ends in a flourish of strings, the icing on the cake) as well as Of Monsters & Heroes & Men - Sample lyric, the end of the song:
Rambling poets
Manic with vision
We are the drivers yet we feel driven
Moths in the moonlight
Fooled by a flashlight
Caught in a jam jar
Gasping for air
Either way. I’m in awe of you.
Either way. We’ll survive. We’ll survive.
I shall now tag Aaron & Moviequill.
1. Weezer -The Greatest Man That Ever Lived. A fun, jokey song, but also one that you can listen to and decide that you're gonna kick some ass.
2. Weezer - The Angel & The One. This speaks to me. Truly. Usually a tongue-in-cheek band, they drop a few serious ditties once in awhile. The lyrics:
It's not my destiny to be the one that you will lay with
So many reasons why I have to go but want to stay here
Sometimes I want a taste, but then I don't know what I'm saying
You are the angel and I am the one that is praying
There is another love that I would rather be obeying
I see the ecstasy, and already I'm anticipating
I feel a deeper peace, and that deeper peace is penetrating
I've got the magic in me, I am complete is what I'm saying
I'm flying up so high, my purple majesty displaying
I've reached a higher place that no one else can make a claim in
I'll take you there my friend, I'm reaching out my hand, so take it!
We are the angels and we are the ones that are praying
Peace, shalom
Peace, shalom
Peace, peace
3. Maps - Don't Fear - Simple song really, with only 5 lines and it's 6 minutes long. The lyrics are:
Don't fear
The sun
Feel like someone
Somehow, somehow
C'mon
4 & 5. Coldplay - Lovers In Japan & Strawberry Swing - My 2 faves off of their new album, and album full of great songs, but these stand out to me. Just wonderful, wonderful stuff here.
"....One day, the sun will come out...." Lovers In Japan
6 & 7. James - Great band from the UK. They sang the classics Sit Down and their biggest hit, Laid, among other gems. They've got a new album (Hey Ma) with some great stuff, most notably Boom Boom, just a bittersweet, precious song (it ends in a flourish of strings, the icing on the cake) as well as Of Monsters & Heroes & Men - Sample lyric, the end of the song:
Rambling poets
Manic with vision
We are the drivers yet we feel driven
Moths in the moonlight
Fooled by a flashlight
Caught in a jam jar
Gasping for air
Either way. I’m in awe of you.
Either way. We’ll survive. We’ll survive.
I shall now tag Aaron & Moviequill.
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Cue theme from The Natural - Updated
Okay, I had to update this post - I forgot some inportant info such as the title of what the hell I'm talking about!
I'm a quarter-finalist for the BlueCat Screenplay competition! Yeeeaaaahhh bboooooooooiiiiiyyyyy!
My script is called UNION, and is a family comedy. I also sent Union to Austin & Writers on the Storm.
Ok, it's just a quarter-finalist, and there's about 100,000 others with me (I think a bazillion people entered this year) but it's been a shite year thus far so give me a frakkin' break. A guy's gotta celebrate.
I'll post the feedback when I get it, as I've done in the past. C'mon, gimme some love! Pat needs some love!
I'm a quarter-finalist for the BlueCat Screenplay competition! Yeeeaaaahhh bboooooooooiiiiiyyyyy!
My script is called UNION, and is a family comedy. I also sent Union to Austin & Writers on the Storm.
Ok, it's just a quarter-finalist, and there's about 100,000 others with me (I think a bazillion people entered this year) but it's been a shite year thus far so give me a frakkin' break. A guy's gotta celebrate.
I'll post the feedback when I get it, as I've done in the past. C'mon, gimme some love! Pat needs some love!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Pat Rodio Park!!! NICE!!
WOW! Somewhere in Fairfax, VA, there is a park called Pat Rodio Park. It's apparently also known as Keith Avenue Park, but screw Keith. What the hell has he ever done?
Check it out here --- http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMJJM
Now, while the park looks cool and all, I really wish they would have consulted me on this before they built the joint. It's my legacy, after all. It looks fun enough, but I hope somewhere out of the picture's view is a tall slide, a see saw, maybe some kind of sand box, and (obviously) a merry-go-round - a vomit-inducing nightmare that many park-builders seem to have forgotten.
Check it out here --- http://www.waymarking.com/waymarks/WMJJM
Now, while the park looks cool and all, I really wish they would have consulted me on this before they built the joint. It's my legacy, after all. It looks fun enough, but I hope somewhere out of the picture's view is a tall slide, a see saw, maybe some kind of sand box, and (obviously) a merry-go-round - a vomit-inducing nightmare that many park-builders seem to have forgotten.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Stuff
Okay, starting to write again. We'll see how it goes.
Sent out UNION to some competitions/fests - Bluecat, Austin, and Writers on the Storm. I'll keep anyone who gives a poop updated, and post any feedback (from Bluecat & Writers).
Touching up an old script that was requested off of movie-bytes.com called Dritwood. Basically a road crime comedy that takes place across NJ. I shot a trailer for it in 1998 on Super 16mm. I'll post it if I can.
Going to start a new script soon. I've got plenty of other ones already started but this one is important. Cathartic, perhaps. Been a real shit year, so we'll see how this one goes.
As for my box office guesses so far it's been hit & miss.
Iron Man - I said 330 million and it's at 297+ million. Might not hit 330 but might hang around to get close.
Indy - I said 290 million. It's at 276 and stills trong so it should pass 300.
Kung Fu Panda - I had at 140 and it's at 117 and strong as hell. Likely to get over 200 but Wall-E will knock it down this week.
My 2 that were WAAAAYY off were Sex and the Shitty (I had at 40 million, oops) and Speed Racer (I had at 180-190 - double Oops.)
Music-wise I'm listening to Editors, Interpol and the new albums from Weezer (not all great, but some stellar tunes) & Coldplay (so far it's amazing).
Late!
Sent out UNION to some competitions/fests - Bluecat, Austin, and Writers on the Storm. I'll keep anyone who gives a poop updated, and post any feedback (from Bluecat & Writers).
Touching up an old script that was requested off of movie-bytes.com called Dritwood. Basically a road crime comedy that takes place across NJ. I shot a trailer for it in 1998 on Super 16mm. I'll post it if I can.
Going to start a new script soon. I've got plenty of other ones already started but this one is important. Cathartic, perhaps. Been a real shit year, so we'll see how this one goes.
As for my box office guesses so far it's been hit & miss.
Iron Man - I said 330 million and it's at 297+ million. Might not hit 330 but might hang around to get close.
Indy - I said 290 million. It's at 276 and stills trong so it should pass 300.
Kung Fu Panda - I had at 140 and it's at 117 and strong as hell. Likely to get over 200 but Wall-E will knock it down this week.
My 2 that were WAAAAYY off were Sex and the Shitty (I had at 40 million, oops) and Speed Racer (I had at 180-190 - double Oops.)
Music-wise I'm listening to Editors, Interpol and the new albums from Weezer (not all great, but some stellar tunes) & Coldplay (so far it's amazing).
Late!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Almost there........
Trying to get back. Difficult. Zero inspiration. Actually, negative inspiration nowadays. Lots of shizzle going on. None of it good. Just some personal, life-altering stuff to clean up.
As for writing, I may have fixed a typo here & there but that's about it. My managers read The Stand In, and dropped me. Thanks, guys! Upside is I was with a new agent by the end of the week, so not all is lost.
Anyhoo, as for movies, saw Kung Fu Panda which was a fun romp. Indy was ok, better than most popcorn movies nowadays but it was just really forced. Speed Racer was Speed Racer, won't change the world but it wasn't what I would call bad.
So once I sort of the personal life I'll try to get back on the writing horse.
As for writing, I may have fixed a typo here & there but that's about it. My managers read The Stand In, and dropped me. Thanks, guys! Upside is I was with a new agent by the end of the week, so not all is lost.
Anyhoo, as for movies, saw Kung Fu Panda which was a fun romp. Indy was ok, better than most popcorn movies nowadays but it was just really forced. Speed Racer was Speed Racer, won't change the world but it wasn't what I would call bad.
So once I sort of the personal life I'll try to get back on the writing horse.
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