I entered my script, Union, into Writers On The Storm and didn't get far. Ok, I got nowhere. They did provide feedback. Here it goes..........
There are a lot of fun moments in this script, and a great family dynamic, but the story doesn't quite come together as it should. Characters are so quirky that they have a tendency to feel like caricatures instead of fleshed out people. The pacing of the story drags as a result of the flashbacks and changes in perspective. A good start, but a ways to go.
One of the major concerns of the script is that we're never quite sure who the protagonist is, Hoyt or Barnaby. Barnaby's narrator status makes us lean toward him - the audience is seeing the story from his perspective.
However, the majority of the story centers on Hoyt. This slows the story down. Strengthen pacing by giving the script a stronger conflict, and making sure it sticks to a classic three-act structure, which works well with comedies. Consider eliminating some or all of the flashbacks - we don't need them to understand the family, and they interrupt the narrative.
Work on fleshing out the whole family - give them more flaws, more motivated personality, and more active goals throughout the script.
***At the end of the notes they gave it some scores, it boiled down to Structure, Major & Minor Characters, Title, Premise & Execution being labeled as SO-SO and Dialogue, Style/Voice, Originality, and Commerciality labeled as GOOD.
"So-So." That's a funny critique. They should have a "Neat" or "It was aiight" or "Kinda sucked."
Oh well, onto the next contest/script/query/who knows.