Sunday, December 16, 2007

Compared to most creatures, Humans tend to SUCK

We really do.***

Look at what we do to each other. We're all selfish pricks. Yeah, all y'all. Yeah, you too.

We all think we're better than the rest. I know I am.

We rush through those Wal-Mart doors to get our grimey hands on a half-off cd player, trampling the elderly in our awesome path. Move it, ya old beeeyyootch! I kill for half-off!

While on the subject of Wal-Mart, I would TRULY rather roll across a field of glass (naked, obviously) than enter one of those hell holes.

We're very, very rude. All we care about is us. Me, me, me. I, I, I.

We'll cut each other off in a heartbeat (I'll race you to the red light, douchebag!). Learn the common courtesy of a god damn traffic merge!!! (We take turns, get it?!?!?!). And I LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT when I'm trying to change lanes and the prick behind me in the other lane SPEEDS UP so I can't get over. Hey cockscab - Not a good idea - we might crash!!

Speaking of crashing, we rubberneck. Do we get out to help? Bwah! Good one! We're running late! Ain't got time to help, but we've got time to look at that poor bastard's smashed-up SUV. I'd hate to be that guy!

We're ignorant. We condescend. We criticize. We like to sue.

If something screws up our lives, we'll take it out on EVERYONE. For the record, if I get pissy or my heart stomped on with metal cleats, I like to sulk. Sulking rocks.

***I went shopping today.


Thomas Crymes said...

Free-will has it's benefits and problems. Animals of all walks can be very cruel.

Of course people are usually big cocks, but once and awhile you will see a story about someone who does the opposite, like the guy who jumped onto subway tracks in front of an approaching train to help a person who had a seizure and fell onto the subway tracks.

But on why most of us treat the others like ass-hats...

Check it.

Emily Blake said...

Know what works better?

When I go shopping during the Christmas season I go with one thought: don't get mad. No matter what happens I refuse to get upset. I let other people go first, I breathe steadily, I make sure I'm not in a hurry and I carry a bag to put stuff in so I don't have to force a cart down the aisles.

I actually enjoy Christmas shopping. I watch all the people as they hop to and fro and feel very zen. I highly recommend it.

Patrick J. Rodio said...

I'm usually okay with it. I like to check out the mall, hear the XXX-mas tunes, all that.

And usually a nice long breath takes care of the agita.

But not yesterday.

Anonymous said...

I am proud to say none of that applies to me...

Rhys said...

Best holiday angst evah. I'm a master sulker supreme.

Writeprocrastinator said...

That's the thing, in wars, they get Purple Heart medals. What do shoppers get? A whole lot of pain and a broken heart if your kids don't smile after they open the presents.